with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
