So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
