I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
