my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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