just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
