I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
