My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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