"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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