you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
