some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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