I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
