i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
