I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
