I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
