Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
