sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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