Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
