i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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