Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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