my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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