bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
