When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
