best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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