Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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