he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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