Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
