So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
