He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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