I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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