I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
