i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
