Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
