i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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