I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
