I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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