last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
