OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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