I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
