i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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