I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
