11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
