i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
