omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
