two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
