called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just invented taco cereal.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
