I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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