just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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