is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
