Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
