The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
