I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
