goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
