I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
