He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
